Months ago, I registered for the Silver Falls Trail Marathon in Oregon on Nov 2. I did this because I know myself and I knew having a long ‘race’ to train for would keep me balanced. Keep me focused. Keep me relaxed. If you’re a runner, you know the feeling.
I knew I had a lot coming up on my plate: finishing and defending my PhD, competing for a national award, saying bye to my friends, closing on the apartment, dealing with the moving company… All the while solo, missing the hell out of Weez. You know how it is, life is just better with your spouse by your side. I really miss him. But having a marathon to train for, for me, helps keep things in perspective and the stress at bay.
In the midst of all this, a very dear loved one of mine has passed and my heart is heavy. I’m not ready to accept it and I can’t imagine our lives without her in it. I was so happy to spend time with her last week before she passed and those moments we shared will be forever with me.
She had a gift of making everyone feel so incredibly loved, so special, and her family was her world. I was really lucky to be a part of it. She was a truly vibrant human with a heart of gold. Pure gold.
I went for an 11 miler this morning and spent most of the time thinking about her. And how glad I am that even a simple run on plain ol’ sidewalks around central Illinois can bring my heart peace again. (I rescheduled my flights to France to be in IL for a few days instead. I needed to do this, for me. And my folks.)
The next couple days will be hard, no less, but I’m glad I’m here with them. And I’ll continue looking forward to my morning runs where I can spend quality time with my aunt in my thoughts.
So I guess running is my therapy. I love that matter how sad I am, no matter where I am, no matter how lost or lonely or overwhelmed I feel, a good old fashioned run can center my soul.